Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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