we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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