I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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