EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
