Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Enjoy the penises
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
