So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
