I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
