Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
