i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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