I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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