I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
