I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
