I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
