the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
