How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You ruined the universe
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
