this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
