I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
