Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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