I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
