matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
