Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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