Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
