they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
