she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
