The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
