It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
