i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
