Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
