I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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