I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
