Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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