Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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