I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Even my vagina gasped.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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