In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Randomize
