everyone is single if you try hard enough
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
