Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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