I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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