Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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