I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
