VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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