I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
