every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
