I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Randomize
