Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
