and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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