Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
