you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
