ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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