I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
