Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
