Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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