I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
