Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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