Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
