She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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