You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
