Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
